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I'd been battering the doors
To the garden all my life, probably. Begging to be allowed
To water to pick
Breaking from the unending push
Only to walk into center of that sturdy bridge &look over
ledge to water

march 2nd '24

i cleaned your room <3
7 a.m. bedtime (the kind where it's right, blue light creeeping)
rising to you already with socks on
and i slept naked for the first time here, because i knew i could and that it would be okay
scent of you
whisked away to your clay body,
wrists aching, from spinning spinning
and your mom likes us
waiting for our cat to come home
she's my joan and thank godess
coming to take me to storage

I'll sit here with my conscience and watch it leave
cryptic cryptic how do I
Trying to enmesh and give you all of me so I don't have to look in a mirror I can just look at you
My phone dies I sit in my car burning gas burning burning
You did the same things to me as everyone

I feel stuck stick in the mud
I've given all I could
And who am I that I should be vying for your touch
Am I here due to necessity, the need to breathe,
I love you unconditionally when I am well
When I ain't empty tank flying down a freeway swerve off and cut it off all of it intrusively

Ghost of all the others around my throat
I'm not doing the same things as them
Cryptic cryptic
You couldn't understand right now what I need read my mind like an imaginary parent

Reflecting the same thing as everyone
I am watching the motion picture knowing with my logic that it isn't okay like this
But you will accept when I open up
But it feels like tearing at the flesh
Trying to enmesh
Your due respect you respect me and I see you trying but it doesn't matter then when it's right now and I need to be lifted above this
Second cigarette I know I shouldn't

When i am down I cannot consume,. consume is how I survive

Stench of death
Reeks off the body of the course
Of the Path that I went
Seven signals heavensent
And in scalding high water I will baptize my Hyde then Slaughter my old self left far behind

Cold unfeeling voice
Wretch me out of my naivety
A shock to myself to remember
The brevity of my own choice

Stench of breath
From the mouth of the horse
Who's braying by my side
Not ever to mistake
The sullen sound of a last breath I'll take
With the neighing charging towards your face
Take this final chance to embrace

Warm unchanging choice
Fetch me some stability
Im mocking myself more thereafter
Longevity to help rejoice

Glorifying lanky life
Of water basketball and bellies .
A way I perceive I wish to be
Through the disabilities though don't know
If the thought is a vibe. I can't catch
Or a way of thinking that's all screwed
Pick me up and toss me around
It's easier to do with my brains